51. Tips for the Future

Monday, 11/26/12

Today was my day off. So, I had some time to think about my parenting skills so far. Oh boy! Do I still have a lot to learn. However, I just wanted to share some pointers for your entertainment and definitely for my usage in the future. Almost like reminders for me when I have kids. That's the beauty of the internet; I'll always have this blog online in some archive. :)

Enjoy! (You too, future Eric!)

I learned these from my various orphanage and camp experiences, but especially from my A+ examples, my parents!

Kids are never bad, only their actions

Davidchito (the new David in my house) is the world's most mischeivious and tormenting kid. Most say he is a super bad child. This only makes things worse. I have to think only of his actions as bad and remind him that he is a good kid. For example, one day, I had to discipline him with his least favorite thing, sitting solatarily in a chair for 1 hour (he had left without permission for 4 hours!!). He would not stay in his chair. I was fed up but said, "You are a good kid, but what you did was bad." I thought it was weak, but the affirmation changed him enough that he finally sat still for the next 50 minutes. He then hugged me afterwards.

Discipline only in love, never in anger

I get grumpiest when I am sleepy. When the kids walk around and talk above me instead of sleeping at night, that grinds my gears. Therefore, I storm upstairs and give them a stern talking. One day, after this reminder (which doesn't happen anymore because I put the older boys in charge of quieting the smaller ones at night) I was walking down the stairs and Edwin blatantly jumped out of bed. Usually, noone ever confronts me blatantly like that. He was new and didn't understand that, but I got quite angry. I walked to him and wanted to show him how strong my stick arms really are (haha), but I new not to discipline while angry. I whispered quite fiercely to him, "Discipline tomorrow." Then he quickly went to bed and I slept soundly. In the morning, he was disciplined and I was able to explain his folly to him in love. Much more effective!

Kids consider punishment more loving than looking the other way

I do not crave confrontations. If I wasn't a Christian willing to sacrifice my preferences for the benefit of others, I would probably never punish kids, and just let them run wild. But, I realize that punishing is a way of showing love. Most surprisingly, kids realize this the most. I have seen other volunteers and camp counselors who never punish their kids. It is obvious that their children do not respect or love them. They see it as neglect and a lack of love. However, when others discipline kids, the kids see love in this (unless they disciplined in anger or revenge) and a stronger bond is created. Whenever I discipline my kids, I always make sure to give them a little talk reviewing what they did and making sure they won't do it again. Usually, by that time they are agreeable and even cracking a little smile. Mission accomplished.

Usually, kids act up when their ego is low. Therefore, give them responsibilities.

If one of my boys has ants in his pants (figuratively but in the jungle, not too far from the literal truth!), I give him a job. Works like a charm. They complete their task and resume activities without problems...there is always the exception, though. ;)

**Keep adventurizing and loving each other!...I know I'll try! :)**